Thursday, 12 June 2014

LIFE: Lately

Image Source: Pinterest

I can't hide the fact that lately, things feel a little overwhelming.

I've just returned from 9 months away; travelling, sightseeing, experiencing all of the exciting things the world has to offer. I'm now back in Nottingham, living at home, looking for jobs and trying to be 'money conscious' with the little bit I have left. Not ideal, you say? Yes, well, I know. 

I got back just over a week ago now and in all honesty...I haven't done a great deal that can be deemed productive. The thought of sitting down at my laptop to update my CV, write various covering letters tailored to different types of jobs, then actually APPLY for these jobs strikes a little bit of fear in me.

Since being back I've caught up with a great deal of people, been to Parklife in Manchester, been to Sheffield not once but twice, rejoined the gym, decided I'm going to start training to run a marathon and pretty much anything to avoid realising I'm back in 'the real world'. 

This isn't a new realisation for me, but the first time I've actually been honest about it; I'm not great at sticking to things. I will decide on something, think it's the best idea for all of a few weeks (a few months if I'm lucky) then it will gradually fade away. I'm hoping the whole marathon malarkey won't be like this but past evidence shows, it could. I've managed to stick at blogging for over a year now, mostly because I love it and I have A LOT to say; I know people read it (still a shocker!) but I like to have a place to waffle on about where I've been, how I'm feeling, what I've been doing etc. The problem that now occurs to me in terms of blogging is - I don't think my blog is good enough. I really do feel I don't put enough effort into my content, how quickly I manage to publish things...even the design of it (unprofessional, sloppy - I don't like!). Life just gets in the way, ya know? But I don't want that to always be my excuse because, lets face it, I can quite happily laze in bed/on the sofa/on a beanbag binge-watching the new season of Orange is the New Black but I can't bring myself to type up a blog post and help my lovely, loyal readers with their travels/experiments in the kitchen/bore them with the goings on in my head - it's not because I don't appreciate you guys or enjoy delivering my waffling blog posts to you - I'm just lazy. Plain and simple. As I'm getting older, I've come to realise I can't take on everything, I really try to and I'm not great at it. There are SOO many things I want to do but I'm ridiculously impatient, so I lose interest or convince myself my idea wasn't well thought out. 

Take this morning for example - I've been sat researching cookery courses and masterclasses. I've found a cracking deal for a Macaroon Masterclass. HOWEVER, is this a wise expenditure at this current moment - no, no it is not. Do I still want to do this? Yes, of course BUT it frustrates the hell out of me that I can't just click that 'book now' button and have something to look forward to. I'm one of those people, I HAVE to have plans. I get fidgety and irritable if I don't have things to do, which then puts other things on the backburner (learn how to perfect a macaroon or apply for serious jobs and face that scary 'C' word (career!)) 

You see the vicious circle I'm in? Maybe not...Do I just think I'm in a vicious circle?

I have a billion and one blog posts I want to write for you guys, really I do. When will I do them? As soon as I can. I have endless travel posts to write (I have a notebook with a list of places to write about, things to see - it's as long as both my arms - and longer!), I have restaurants all over Australia that I NEED to tell you about, recipes I've been whipping up in the kitchen that I know you'll love. There just aren't enough hours in the day - can you imagine how overwhelming this will all feel when I ACTUALLY have a job?! No, neither can I. How do people do it? Run these top 100 blogs, have a full time job and then even throw marriage/children into the mix - I salute all of you!

I've told you before I'm a list maker. I now have a to do list, a job related to do list, a blog to do list, a life to do list, a gym classes to attend list, a schedule of marathon training list - SO MANY LISTS. And, that darling boyfriend of mine is flying home you know what's going to happen, these lists are going to go completely out of the window for at least a week.

When will I learn? Unorganised Chaos down to a t.


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