Wednesday, 22 October 2014

LET'S TALK: Me Time and Learning To Be Selfish


Most people would believe that, as an only child, I could be quite selfish...well, until now, I don't feel that's been the case. If anything, I have always tried to put other people's wants, needs..even their happiness, before my own...again, until now.

Last month, I came out of a fairly serious relationship and although I feel a lot more content in myself and within my life, or should I say new life - I have relocated for a job, I'm meeting new people and I've just joined a new gym - CRAZY TIMES - I'm adjusting to this new life I now lead and it amazes me when I sit back and think how much everything has changed since the start of last month (in a really, really good way!) The things I used to think made me happy, well not everything has completed shifted, but I'm realising more and more what does result in me feeling whole...feeling more like 'me'.

That said, adjusting to 'me time' feels a little weird but I really bloody like it. I like spending my days working hard in the office (yes, really lame but true - I'm loving my new job! Which I can't call new soon as I've been there nearly 5 weeks now) and then finishing at 5 and thinking 'so, what do I want to do tonight?' because, I don't feel like I've had that luxury for YEARS. I haven't had that novelty of not having to call a boyfriend, our housemates or discuss with people whilst travelling about what we're doing since my first year of Uni. Five. Whole. Years. Ago?! I like company, I'm a sociable person, really I am but it is so nice to just think 'well, I want to go to the gym tonight' or 'I want to come home, binge on a jar of Nutella and watch old episodes of Grey's Anatomy' (I am yet to do this...well, to do this with a jar of Nutella) without having to actually check in with somebody first to see where they are, what they fancy doing and compromise on 'a plan' for the evening. I can just do what the hell I want AND THAT FEELS GREAT. I can go and do three classes at the gym, wander around Waitrose and not feel rushed or I can come home, put my pyjamas on, read a book ALL NIGHT if I want to. These sound like such boring twenty-something things to do but hey, adult life.

This weekend, I'm heading down to London again for a really jam packed weekend -a house warming, a yoga exhibition, sight seeing, a long awaited trip to Duck & Waffle, amongst other things. I haven't had to check with anybody about going, I'm quite happy to trot off with my Oyster card on my own and explore (not that that's the case as I've got tour guide Barbie escorting me round!) but it's nice, y'know. I don't feel guilty about making my own plans, for myself.

To anybody reading this - you might think 'well duh, this sounds really obvious and why wouldn't you make plans for yourself' but sometimes, honestly, you feel like you just have to please everybody around you and, as a result, you kinda stop pleasing yourself,

WELL NO MORE, SISTER! I keep making Beyonce/Destiny's Child references on a regular basis...but all joking aside...I feel independent, I feel strong and I pretty much have the next 6 weekends (at least!) booked up with plans, which for me, is surprising. I like having things to look forward to but quite often, in the past, I've changed my mind last minute because I've had an anxious day or felt like I had to bail because of somebody else but now, I'm doing things for me and I'm throwing myself in feet first. It feels really, really great.

xo

4 comments:

  1. Me time is always a great thing. You have been through a whole lot in just a short period of time. Lot's of transition. I am glad you are happy many find it so hard to do. It says alot about you....www.legacychangers.org

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    1. Thanks Tanya - it hasn't and isn't easy but day by day these things get easier to manage don't they :) xo

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  2. Love this! I feel the same way and this was actually a major reason I exited my long term relationship almost a year ago...I was starting to feel suffocated because I never had any time to myself and I'm the type of girl that needs my me time! I've been LOVING doing my own thing!! Enjoy your 'you time' and don't even think of it as being selfish! You're just taking care of YOU! :)

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    1. And I am glad you are taking care of you too :) taking a step back and having the reflection time really does help - time is a good healer! xo

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