Sunday, 4 January 2015

LET'S TALK: Beginning 2015

And just like that, Christmas is over. It's now the new year, 2015.

I've been a bit AWOL recently. Illness has struck me BIG TIME, yet again, leaving me out of action since Boxing Day. I can't say I'm better but I can actually manage to stand up now, which is something.

I always find this time of year a bit tricky. There was that massive Christmas build up with the daily giddy excitement, the festive plans made, the Christmas hibernation at your parents house and never knowing what day it is because, who cares, today's plans are eat chocolate, watch the films on TV you've seen a million times and have a few naps. Oh, and turkey; turkey is always part of the plan.

Then you have that weird few days in between Christmas and New Year - is it still okay to sit in your pyjamas eating chocolates, not really leaving the house etc. or 'do I really have to work???'. Then New Years, which I had to miss (and I am still gutted because I seriously wanted to be in Sheffield) so now it's January 4th, the day before I go back to work and I'm feeling a bit dazed. 

Although it's a new year, it doesn't feel like a new year. I don't know if this is because I didn't start the year with a horrendous hangover, no firework in sight or if it's because I haven't really left the house in over a week...I'm not sure. But something doesn't feel quite right.

This time of year makes me reflective (not in the sense of 'new year, new me' because, seriously, I cannot read another one of those comments/tweets) but this year, I feel more reflective than normal. Every January I think 'right, what do I want from this year? Am I doing what I want to be doing right now?' and every January, I completely overthrow my own confidence in what I'm actually doing and where I'm at.

I think the whole idea of New Year's Eve, the resolutions and this pressure we put on ourselves to have THE BEST YEAR can sometimes cause more harm than good - especially when, well, we've been doing pretty well for the past 12 months.

I made A LOT of progress last year and learned A LOT of things but so many things just lately have made me feel like life is just too short to be doing the same thing day in day out. Life isn't like the films you see on TV, your favourite character in the TV show you religiously watch but sometimes, you see certain people living a certain way and just wonder if you're where you should be.

I watched Tigers About the House over Christmas - a documentary about an English/Aussie guy who has dedicated his life to helping save the Sumatran Tigers. I pretty much cried throughout the whole programme and got really, really obsessed with it because it seriously touched me that he felt so dedicated to those creatures and that he felt so unbelievably passionate about them. I want to do something that I feel THAT passionately about - it's such a beautiful thing to see.

I'm not saying I want to dedicate my life to the tigers (although, I would happily go and do something like that!) but I just feel like we spend so much of our lives plodding along just to pay the bills or to just get by..I know it's not completely realistic to not do that sometimes but I feel like time goes by that quickly that all this focus on THE BEST YEAR means you spend more time thinking instead of actually acting. 

I started setting myself Monthly Goals in September last year (I have got used to saying that because it feels like literally a second ago!), and this is something I will continue with - because, although we can set ourselves resolutions for the new year, things can change very quickly. I am a devil for trying to plan and, I can do this to an extent, but it goes back to what I said before - something it means you spend more time thinking than acting.

I suppose my point of writing (rambling!) all of this is that right now, I'm not sure what 2015 holds for me and I am not sure, right now, whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. I feel pretty neutral about it all. What I do know, however, is that I'm getting itchy feet and by mid-late 2015, I think I'll have a new 'plan'. I like a new plan, you see. I like to think something is an amazing idea for all of five minutes and then I'm on to the next 'big thing'. So I do believe that 2015 will be the year for another change. My new monthly goals and also yearly goals will be up over the next week, so watch this space.

I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and New Year!


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