Thursday, 7 May 2015

LET'S TALK: Being Single

I don't really know how I feel writing this post but it's something that's bubbling away in my head at the moment. I think it's more about acknowledging it for myself rather than for anybody else.

Recently I wrote rambled about going it alone and how I was being given this opportunity to make something of myself and to really push myself. I did blab on about relationships and how I've always felt in the past that I need somebody. Like my own characteristics and being isn't valid without another person by my side. 

But the thing is, I've been single now for over 8 months. Prior to that it was 12 months. If you'd have asked me last September shortly after my last break up, I'd have spouted off some bitter remarks, told you how pointless relationships are and how much men suck. And not because I was wronged, no no, the break up was my decision and possibly the best decision I could have ever made for myself, but because well, I was totally fed up of putting in the ground work and having yet another failed relationship. However, break ups as well as relationships can teach you a lot. My last break up in comparison to the one before was way more simple. I was unashamedly cut throat. I thought he was a moron, he didn't treat me right and quite simply, I deserved way better. Rewind a year and a half when I broke up with my previous ex, I cried, I felt shit, it was the right decision but I was gutted and I was entirely sure whether I was making the right decision. The first break up made me feel like I missed and needed to be with somebody, my last made me feel the complete opposite.

My last two relationships have taught me so much about myself, about life, about men. And I suppose in a way, that's the balance - you need to have time to yourself and a sense of independence, you need to have a life outside of your relationship and you need to have time with your significant other as well as maybe involving him in the rest of your life. And I think that was the problem, I didn't have time to myself, the times I did introduce him to the rest of my life, well, he was a bit of a dick and the time I had with him revolved around him mostly being lazy and smoking a lot.

With those three things in mind - myself, life, men - as a relatively happy singleton - I have time to myself whenever I feel like it; take last weekend for example, I had plans but I definitely needed to hibernate. I needed sleep, relaxation, yoga, baking, country walks...all the stuff I sometimes get too busy for in the week. I didn't have to really okay it with anybody, I just did it. I like being able to just make a decision at the drop of a hat and just go with it.

My life is busy, constantly busy. I will have at least 10 weeks away each year for work, my job isn't exactly 9-5, I have friends all over the country which means my weekends are normally arranged at least a month in advance and even during the week I do yoga, go to the gym, go to meditation, often work late/in the evening and see friends in between. I'm always on the go. And that's how I like it. I like having plans, seeing different people, experiencing different things. I mean, I'm sure people are in relationships are able to do exactly these things BUT being single and doing them means it's 100% my decision where I go, who I see, what I do etc. 

Men. As you can imagine, I don't exactly have the time. I don't like dating, I can't date (it makes me feel a bit awkward). I don't like to keep my opinions to myself (I'm by no means harsh but I don't really have a filter), I don't like making awkward chitchat, I don't like getting that point where you have to differentiate between dating/seeing each other/actually being in a relationship, I don't like labels. I don't like a lot of things, as you can tell...I'm on tinder but it just makes me feel awkward. I'd rather getting talking to somebody in the pub, in the bar, at the gym - a normal situation. I don't like people trying to hard, I need personality, a sense of humour and somebody that doesn't live for going on a bender Friday through to Sunday or spend their lives in the gym. With that said, I don't have time for the dithering. I lost a lot of time with wasters, people that I didn't have a spark with, people that didn't treat me right...the list goes on. So I guess I don't want to waste any time now. When I meet somebody and they're worth the awkwardness, the labelling...I'll know. I'll be able to feel it.

I can't deny that sometimes when I see happy couples holding hands down the street, or friends announce they're engaged or pregnant or both, I get a little tinge of sadness because it's not me that's in that position but ultimately, I'm not in that place right now and that's totally fine. I am totally fine with that. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that being in a relationship doesn't define you, nor does being single. Life is about personal choices, decisions based on what suits us, what makes us happiest...right now I'm happier on my own. I feel like I've got everything I need (apart from a sausage dog - a big, big need in my life). I love my job, I love seeing my friends and family as often as I can, I'm happy with how I spend my time.

I don't need anybody to make me feel wanted, needed, relevant, important. I have accepted that I am all of these things, on my own. I know my worth. 

Being alone does not mean you are lonely. 

B knows...


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