Friday, 20 November 2015

LET'S TALK: Growing Up

It's a weird thing to contemplate whether you're a grown up. What actually constitutes being a grown up? A 'career', a mortgage on a house, marriage, children, being debt free, going for brunch at weekends, walking the dog everyday, making sure you wash the dishes every night...all of these things? None of these things? 

I used to think this was what being grown up was. Looking up to your older family members, your friends parents, teachers, lecturers and putting them on a pedestal because they're older, have more experience, they have authority, they're 'grown ups'. They do adult things in their adult lives and because you're 'the child' you don't have any right to question; I'm sure all of us have said 'I can't wait to be grown up' or 'I am not a child' at some point in our lives. We spend so much of our youth wanting to be grown up, wishing we were older, wishing we had more responsibility or simply, more freedom. But the thing is, no matter what age you are - you're only human. Every human makes mistakes, every human does good things, bad things, silly things, exciting things. Age is just a number. Sometimes we forget that.

What I've come to realise about growing up is that you don't necessarily feel 'grown up'. Cherilyn and I laughed the other day about being adults. We have adult lives. We own cars, rent a house, pay bills have careers. Does this mean we're adults? Who knows. Just because we have these adult things in our lives, does it mean we are grown up? I think feeling grown up is more than obvious, physical things. It's more of a psychological acceptance - learning to be calm in situations you used to lose your cool in, being able to admit you're wrong or that you've made a mistake, allowing yourself to not be judgmental and understand a situation from both sides, putting your own needs to one side for a loved one when they need you more and also, allowing yourself that time you need to be selfish too. Maybe growing up is more about a sense of maturity than anything. Being mature in finding that line between right and wrong, being patient, being kind.

I think growing up is about realising what you need and what you don't. But a big part of growing up is sometimes not having a bloody clue what you want or what you need. Sometimes feeling lost in life helps that process of growing up. 

As people, we are always growing. I believe we spend our whole lives growing up. We learn new things everyday - about ourselves, about our loved ones, about those people we dislike. Each day there are things that make us laugh, make us sad, make us happy, make us question what we believe or what we are being told. Everyday we learn and these findings help us grow. Sometimes we grow into the person we want to be, sometimes we don't.

But everyday we are growing up. Nobody is ever completely 'grown up'. Don't let anybody fool you. People can go from having their shit together to not in a matter of hours. There's no shame in that. We all make mistakes, bad decisions, good decisions, silly decisions. There is no rule book on how to be a grown up, no guide to being an adult.

I read a quote once:
"we might not have it all together, but together we have it all."

I think sometimes, it's important to remember that - most of the time it's not even important to think you're an adult, a grown up. Sometimes it's just about being happy with your lot, through the good and the bad. It's important to remember that we won't always feel grown up or in control or like the adult in the situation, and that's okay. Everyday we can work on growing up together.


1 comment:

  1. Nice read :) A constant struggle in your 20s, the never-ending questioning of whether we're REALLY grown up and if this really is real life... I've still no clue.