Tuesday, 29 March 2016

LET'S TALK: Life's Changes

I'm not even really sure where to start this post in all honesty...

2015 was the best year of my life. I got a promotion, travelled the world, went on holidays, spent lots of time with my friends, met a lovely guy...it really was a great year.

At the end of last year 2 massively life changing things happened that affect me. My best friend was involved in an incredibly serious accident and is still working hard every single day, now at Leamington Spa Hospital Rehab Centre, to make a recovery. We still don't know what that will be or how long it will take. It's been hard and continues to be for not only myself, somebody that has known her for almost all of my life, but I can't even comprehend how hard it must be for her family.

That was bad thing number one.

Bad thing number two is something that's happened over three weeks ago but began a week before Caitlin had her accident. Bad thing number two is something I'm not really ready to talk about...well maybe I am ready, I just don't know where to begin. I'm filled with a lot of upset and a lot of anger.

...and also confusion.

Being strong for one person in particular is keeping me going. It's a real challenge but it's keeping me going. Feeling so terribly sad not only at the situation but for this other person I love unconditionally is becoming consuming at times but it's made me realise that if life throws a curveball at me, I can handle it better than I think.

It's funny really, when we are younger, certain situations feel like the end of the world - not getting the bike you want for Christmas, having a bedtime, not being allowed to play out with your friends if you've been naughty...all of these things, at that age, can lead to a temper tantrum, 'you're ruining my life' comments and basically just acting like a bit of a brat.

As you get older, situations are more serious (although sometimes not) but often, we are able to handle things a little better. A bad situation at work, a really annoying friend that won't stop banging on about themselves when you kinda just need a bit of a chat, your car not starting...you learn how to handle things. You've grown as a person and realised that a temper tantrum or bratty behaviour isn't going to solve all of your problems.

I've also come to realise that people aren't always who you think they are. That has been one of the bigger shocks to me. And probably one of the things that has hurt the most. How one person can have such a personality transformation, be so cold, so heartless and basically act like a stranger. There is no guilt there, no apologetic nature...nothing. Just a cold, heartless stranger. One that things will never be right with again, quite frankly.

I've cried a lot these last few months. A LOT.

I've cried for Caitlin, I've cried for her family, I've cried for bad situation number 2 and everybody involved...and I've cried a lot for myself because I'm an emotional person and I'm a person that cannot keep things bottled up. If something makes me happy, sad, angry, excited - whatever - I have to talk about it. I'm as open as a book when it comes to my emotions usually.

But now I've hit that point of feeling numb. I feel sad but numb. Emotionless in a sense.

But here's the weird bit. I'm also incredibly happy. Which makes me sound slightly mental, I know.

Work is going really well, my relationship is making me extra smiley, I've just had an amazing long weekend in Barcelona, I still love living in my house with my housemate, I've got a great year ahead of me again with work trips...things are great.

But these two feelings, these polar opposites...they just highlight how life can change. How we can change.

People always say 'these things are sent to try us', and maybe they are. These two bad things, well...a lot of heartache would have been saved if these were not sent to try us. And, in all honesty, if there is a God out there or almighty power we may never see (I'm not really religious so find it hard to believe when bad things like this happen), then I don't understand why these bad things have happened.

We learn to deal with situations differently as we grow. I'm very sad about Caitlin, but we all need stay positive and strong for her, her family and for each other. I'm absolutely devastated about bad situation number two, it's broken my heart and it's ruined so much, but I have to stay strong. I have to believe that it will be okay in the end.

I've come to realise everything is about balance. Every situation.

Life isn't easy. Life can be fun. Life can be stressful. But it's about finding the balance with all of these things are changes happen - whether expected or unexpected.

As human's, we can handle SO much more than we realise. We might even surprise ourselves with how we handle the bad with the good.

One thing I do know for sure in light of all of this - change happens. It's not always good, it's not always bad. It's not always expected...but things constantly change, the little and the big. We just have to act like a normal human being - cry when we want to cry, talk about it when we need to, smile when things genuinely make us feel happy in spite of the sadness we feel.

We're human. We have emotions. We have every right to feel happiness and sadness, even if they are being felt at the same time. Believe me, I didn't think they could be felt at the same time.


1 comment:

  1. Sending lots of love your way, life has its ups and downs and sometimes they all seem to happen at once. x